Stuck on Repeat

I always tell people if you want to get refined, work in a nursing home. I do love my job, and am very blessed to have it.
It seems I have been working out my "pet peeves" lately, things that absolutely drive me insane.
We all have them, one of mine is repeating myself.

There is this resident, that I love dearly. She tends to get confused about her surroundings and comes to me asking the same series of questions. I'm sure she asks me the same question anywhere from ten times a day, to five times in five mins. But I absolutely love her.

And it makes me more and more thankful for my God. How many times I ask him the same question over and over. And He doesn't grow tired or weary.  He is always there wanting to point me to where I should be.

Where am I? Do you know where I'm supposed to go? Have you seen my family?
God.. Whats going on? Whats next?

Day in and day out giving the same directions. Guiding her to the same places, where she should be.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. Isaiah 40:28

“Favour is deceitful, and BEAUTY IS VAIN: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30)


I realize how often I condemn men because I see there definition of beauty (physical) and then I try to fit it. 


1 Peter 3-4
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—  but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.




Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.


Jacob- The deceiver gets deceived. 
the heartbreaker gets heartbroken
the liar gets lied to


(and don't get me started on Rachel)
(and leah)




I find it... ironic that I believe men are completely incapable of love, 
(lust? yes, love? no) when Jesus was the perfect example of it. 
Aren't we supposed to be mirroring Christ? 

31

I never loved nobody fully/ Always one foot on the ground.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 God is no mere human! He doesn't tell lies or change His mind. God always keeps His promises. (Numbers 23:19) 'Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.' - Romans 12:2 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." - 2 Corinthians 5:1 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. 1 Timothy 1:15

OFF HIATUS

oh my! it has been a while hasn't it? Update?
Im currently applying for a ATWDTS from YWAM in denver colorado.
torn labrum in my shoulder, surgery? ugh.
Love, death, etc etc.

uh, typing and typing to say such simple things.

God's been growing me in some areas that are pretty tough, but I'm thankful for them.

Love, everyone. Love the person that demeans you, Love the person that hates you, Love the person that makes fun of you for being a Christian, Love the person that doesn't love you (....and is supposed to) Love the dying, the hurt, the sick.
Matthew 5:26

If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? Love the inappropriate person, love the one that demands, love the one that is completely incapable of giving you anything. love the lost, love the ones that hit you, and curse you. Ah, how much sweeter it seems whenever I experience it. Experience "unconditional" love for others, love that is not returned. And it makes me love YOU more, it makes me see how love is truly wonderful and difficult. How I can't begin to even comprehend the love you have for me, whenever I'm ready to throw in the towel because someone is demanding me, hitting me, and cussing me. And it all seems so, easy, doesn't it? Ive been thinking about my relationship with God and how some of these truths seem to people who don't have a relationship with Him. Its all about love, that seems a little to simple, with the cheesy Beatles music behind a rainbow. Love is hard, love is tough, I could elaborate more on the subject but what else is there to say? if you can't see amazing strength in Christ's love, try loving someone who hates you. Trying loving someone who says mean things about you, who cusses you, who cuts you off in traffic. Then love the ones that kill you. And maybe its just me. I've never associated love with strength. But its the scariest, hardest thing to do.

Encourage. Encourage others whenever you feel as if your falling apart yourself.  Don't miss an opportunity to help a brother/sister preserver, or for Christ to set a captive free, just because "you don't feel like your in a good place to share the Gospel" Of course your going to feel a little different whenever your speaking truth over lies that have been believed for years.


And. Finally, one that I'm sure will have a resounding presence in the years to come of how I live my life. How thankful I am for that. Are we living by these truths? Am I living by these truths?


But, I just don't see it.
Maybe its America to blame, maybes its me, you, or tv, or celebrities, or accessibility. Maybe its all three. But I don't see truths in the Bible lived out here. Maybe I'm just called to Radical Christianity and want you to be too.

I am by no means trying to rebuke or demean my fellow brothers or sisters, leaders or church. I love you all and am thankful for your boldness for Christ. But to encourage us. I am seeing this of my life more then anything, something that God is showing me.

If we claim there is nothing for us here, why aren't we giving more? (why am I not giving more?)
If we claim that God will provide our every need, then why worry about actually giving our "extra" away? Why not give away that which we think we cannot give?! (why am I worried about giving my car away?)
If we believe that there is a real place called Hell, and a real God that loves us, why are we not sharing the Gospel? Why are waiting "for it to come up" why are we waiting to "have a relationship with them, and then they will know" Isn't there, and shouldn't there, be an urgency with the Gospel? Why share on mission trips, but not with your co workers? (why am I not living this way?)

And on and on.
I only pray that my life mirrors truth found in the Bible, that I lose myself in attempts to show others Christ. That I am "one of those weird, radical Christians"

I do want to say this as an encouragement, that if God is calling you to a radical lifestyle, or to do something radical (different, scary, big, big leap of faith, whatever!) or to live the Gospel a little more heavily in your life, that you won't be complacent because you see others that are.

Speeding up, to slow down.

It has been a while, since I've updated, yes.. I said I was going to try and keep it updated. But at least I havent abandoned it!


Things going on- This week consists of moving, new job, attempt to find a car, and other crazy life choices/happenings/decisions. Funny how fast things can speed up.


Central Asia (that would be sawweet)


Mercy, Love, Understanding and the lack thereof. 


Obedience and Disobedience.


Stillness in the midst of busyness.






How overwhelming, yet exciting is it that one could meditate on ONE verse from the Bible, and constantly gain new knowledge from it. 


Words/Verses as of late:


Understanding-


Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.




Faith-
James 5:17
Elijah was a man just like us, he prayed earnestly that it would not rain and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.


Strength- 
Psalm 20: 7-8
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.




Freedom-

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

2 Corinthians 3:17

10 down, 2 to go.

I said before I was going to try and keep this blog up, so here I am, an attempt.
Its strange, I feel as if I do not have that much to update on, but yet more at the same time. So here is what has been happening lately:


Nicaragua.
Colorado
"the cowardly will not see heaven"
Arabic
2 Corinthians 3:12-4:2 (v 16)
forgiveness
new job
haircut
prepare
photography

staying/going, change, cycles, repeating, stopping, boys, feelings, fears and freedom. 

I remember before I moved from Murfreesboro I had this feeling whenever I would drive around, that my life was going to change drastically, that I wouldn't be there much longer. That feeling has made its way back while I'm here, as well. Its not discontentment, just, as if change is in the air. It reminds me of the fourh of july, in a way. Waiting around all that day for the "big event". Lazy times, sitting in plastic chairs, roasting marshmallows, and catching up with family. Slowww times, time passes by slow and easy. Then all of a sudden, HUGE explosions go off that you've been waiting for all day. And both are equally as exciting, its just that feeling of whenever it just starts to get dark, you know its coming. Just a very sudden feeling, overall right now.

I'm sure that didnt make much sense, but sometimes its hard to convey such feelings that are hard to even describe to your self, in a way. 

It reminds me of this verse that God shows me a lot. Isaiah 66:9

almost as if you can see the contractions happening in your life for events that are about to happen. 

Alright, I might getting a little to metaphor happy, but I think I'm expressing myself well enough. 

Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado!

I havent updated since Ive been in Nicaragua, which seems to be years ago, and yesterday at the same time. I feel like God is wanting me to continue with the this blog, why, I am not sure yet, but here it continues!

After Nicaragua, I had a pretty uneventful month, a lot of reading and praying about what would come next, and what to do at the moment. During my stay in Nicaragua I prayed a lot about where God wanted me to go next. I knew He was telling me that I would move, but I wasn't sure where.
After much uncertainty about Nicaragua being the place, I tried once again for Africa.
Fail.
Well, not so much fail, just kept on getting "Wait, Samantha, not yet"
Finally after running from what I knew God was saying, I announced Colorado.
Colorado? Colorado?!
I know what you must be thinking, well what everyone around me is thinking," .... what? are you sure?!" I feel as if its one of those moments that we are so focused on our ideas, my own plan, and God shows you something that He wants for you. He keeps saying, I know whats best for you, follow me.
I must admit that I felt like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum,
"God, Colorado? Do you not know me? I will die in the cold!"  "I want to live somewhere else!"
After settling it in my heart, that I was acting like a child, God showed me more and more about Colorado. I feel excitement for it to be Colorado now, and I know God changed my heart about it.
So lately I have been getting prepared as much as I can for the move. I'll be moving back with my parents for a while, and then off to Colorado, in October (hopefully)

Do not get me wrong, at the very base of all this excitement is a feeling of missing everyone. I believe my parents have always seen this coming sooner or later, but I will miss them, and everyone so much.

Another note on what is going on with my life, I just got back from a mission trip to Montana. We worked with a church plant, and helped them put on a VBS for the kids. I found it a great time to learn more and more about depending on God. I will admit, I was indifferent about going to Montana, it was a place I never would have expected to go, and did not expect to love it as much. I knew God wanted me there, and I am so thankful for what He did while I was there. We spent some time in Yellowstone, and did some hiking as well. I was in awe the entire time I was there, seeing the beauty that God created, I kept thinking, how can anyone see this and not believe? Made some great friends, as well. Meredith, another girl that went on the trip as well, and I flew back, our flights were such a mess due to the hailstorm in Denver. Secretly we were hoping to have a little time to explore Denver, but I felt like God was saying "not yet".  Ah patience, not the most fun lesson to learn.

As of now, just still in the process of being faithful with that God has given me. It can be hard sometimes to tell people that I feel as if Ill be moving in a few months.. and really the only thing I know of it, is the state. Oh God puts us in situations where we depend more and more on Him. And isn't it awesome whenever He comes through. Been reading and writing ALOT. Another big thing is I feel as if God wants me to write a book... I keep having thoughts come to my mind such as... "Ah!" Hahaha. But, if it is from God, I know it will all work out.
Anyway, I'm going to try hard to keep this blog up!


yellowstone-